would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
