I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sorry my hands just texted you
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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