Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
