Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Couch. On fire.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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