It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize