why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
