He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
