why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
