I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
