I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
