I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
