In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
