All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
