i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
