Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
