did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Your mouth is God's brothel.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
