Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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