Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
