On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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