probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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