remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
