honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
