Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
