The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
