I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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