So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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