we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
