chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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