There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
