I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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