I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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