Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
