I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
operation have a gay friend backfired
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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