With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize