We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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