My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
