I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
