I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
