He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
