my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
