Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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