Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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