I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
