you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
