I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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