apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
