I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
