what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
