I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
