Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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