I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
