meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
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