I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
