Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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