walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
