I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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