i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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