I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
