eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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