If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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