I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
