Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
