this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
