Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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