What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
