so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
