but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
