Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
