I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
