how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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