I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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